Reflections on Love: A Journey Through Four Decades of Relationships

Suvir Saran reflects on his past relationships, examining the roles of hindsight, joy, and resilience in shaping his experiences. Despite challenges and breakups, he finds value in his romantic journey and remains hopeful for future love, valuing the lessons learned from his intimate past.

By Suvir Saran. Hindsight can make our past years seem perfect at times; it can also fill us with regret. Is hindsight something to gloat about, or is it a tool to keep us honest and smarter in our everyday choices? This is a question I wrestle with. I do have regrets, but I am certain of the value I've gained from the four long-term relationships I've had in the last 33 years. Even with hindsight, I wouldn't change them. Though I felt caged and lost at times, reflecting on those moments mostly brings joy and richness to my life.

My first relationship started when I was 19 and lasted for two years. My older lover, who some joked was cradle snatching, brought me to New York City, which became my true home. The ending broke me, but in hindsight, it was everything I needed. It opened my world and made me a Manhattanite.

The second relationship was with a Greek god, both literally and figuratively. We quickly moved in together but soon realized something was missing. Despite that, he gave me confidence and taught me that there was a tomorrow.

The third relationship, starting quickly after the last one, was challenging but enriching. We parted with discord after seven years, but today we meet and chat, reflecting on that tough but formative time with gratitude.

My fourth relationship began when I was bottoming out from the third. A charming Midwesterner saved me from myself. We set up homes on two continents, and our shared life brought joy and close family bonds. Twenty years later, we separated due to my scars from the past and poor judgment. He is now happily in love, and I am comforted by that.

Now almost 52 and single for the longest stretch, I find hope in the possibility of finding another relationship. Like a caged bird, a good relationship gives everything one can wish for. Despite the excitement of single life, I crave the committed love and rich tapestry of a full-fledged relationship. Hindsight keeps me honest and smarter, and I continue to chase that dream.

Disclaimer: Suvir Saran is an author, columnist, and Chef. The views expressed in this column are his own.

(With inputs from agencies.)